Say it ain't so! This is actually the truth!

My anticipation for this year's Oscars just went down (again!)



"New Rules at Oscars: Not All Winners Take the Stage

By Arthur Spiegelman



BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. - The long walk down the Oscar aisle will be a lot shorter for some of this year's Academy Awards winners -- in fact, some will not make it to the stage.



Oscars telecast producer Gil Cates told the annual luncheon of nominees on Monday that he had major changes planned for the awards, including not inviting the victors in some categories to the stage.



Instead, Cates said they will receive their awards from a presenter parked in the audience. In other cases, all the nominees in a single category will be invited up on stage and the winner then announced.



And, finally, some nominees will get their Oscars the old-fashioned way, walking down the aisle to the stage after the envelope is opened and the name announced.



Cates said the changes for the 77th annual Academy Awards, to be broadcast on Feb. 27, were aimed both at saving time and making sure that every nominee is seen by a worldwide television audience estimated in the hundred of millions.



Many treasured Oscar moments have involved the trek to the stage, as when Italy's Roberto Benigni was named best actor in 1998 for "Life is Beautiful" and made an elaborate display of climbing over seats and people to get to the stage.



Cates, who this year, as in years past, made an impassioned plea for Oscar winners to keep their acceptance speeches short, said the main reason for the change was to "get more of the nominees seen on television."







Ok. Here's some ideas that are better than this:



Best Supporting Actor:

Renee Zellweger goes to present and brings all five nominees up. She stands with her back to them and throws the Oscar in the air. Whoever catches it wins.



Best Supporting Actress:

All the nominees stand in the entrance ways. Once Tim Robbins finishes "..and the Oscar goes to.." all the nominees run to the stage. Whoever makes it there first wins.



Best Actor:

All the nominees are hidden in certains points in the room each armed with rifles. Goal: kill your opponent. Last person alive wins.



Best Actress:

The actresses will be required to act another actress's role (ie: Hilary swallows pellets of heroine; Imelda plays a green-haired free spirit.) Meryl Streep, Jessica Lange and Sissy Spacek will sit in the audience and judge the performances. America calls in and votes. The actress with the most votes wins.



Best Director:

Three words: Pie eating contest.



Best Original Screenplay:

Drop all the nominees off on an island..."Charlie, the tribe has spoken!"



Best Adapted Screenplay:

Julie Delpy will stick her head in a bowl of cockroaches. If she wants to beat Alexander Payne, her head will remain there for 2 minutes.